Weight comes up frequently in my conversations with clients.
Maybe they’ve gained a few pounds over the past several years, during perimenopause, or simply as life has changed.
But I’ve noticed that often, it’s not the weight gain itself that worries them most.
It’s where the mind goes next.
If I’ve gained this much already, what if it keeps going? What if I gain another 10 or 20 pounds? My mom has diabetes. My dad had heart disease. I know that carrying more weight can increase certain health risks. What if this is the beginning of something I won’t be able to stop?
There can be very real information woven into these fears. Family history matters. Metabolic health matters. Our behaviors can influence our risk of developing chronic disease. As a dietitian, I certainly don’t want to wave any of that away with Don’t worry about it.
And while I’m using weight as an example here, this same pattern can show up in almost any area of our health. A new symptom, a changing lab value, a family history of disease. The details may be different, but the mind’s tendency to move from what we know today to what we fear might happen tomorrow can look remarkably similar.
But I’m more interested in what happens when concern for our health quietly turns into an attempt to secure our health.
Because while those things can look almost identical from the outside, I don’t think they’re necessarily the same.
When fear leads
Imagine someone who has gained weight and is afraid the weight gain will continue. That fear might lead her to start weighing herself every morning. If the number is higher, maybe she eats a little less that day. She might skip the snack she normally has in the afternoon or decide she really should get a workout in.
And one might think:
What’s wrong with that? If stepping on the scale encourages someone to exercise or eat in a way that supports her health, couldn’t we argue that it’s working?
Maybe.
There is research suggesting that regular self-weighing can be useful for some people trying to lose or maintain weight. And I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with weighing yourself, changing what you eat, or deciding you’d like to exercise.
But I think we can be curious about something beyond whether a behavior produces an outcome we have labeled “healthy.”
Imagine that I wake up feeling fine. I’m hungry and thinking about breakfast. I step on the scale and see that I’m two pounds heavier than yesterday.
Suddenly the breakfast I was hungry for feels like too much. I decide I should have something smaller. I make sure I exercise later.
From one perspective, you could call that successful self-monitoring. The scale gave me feedback and I adjusted my behavior accordingly.
But what else happened?
A number changed my relationship with hunger. It changed what I believed I was allowed to eat. Perhaps it changed my mood or how I saw my body. And it may have reinforced the belief that I need to keep checking that number because without it, I can’t trust myself to know what to do.
That’s the part I think is worth looking at.
A behavior can produce something we perceive as healthy and still have a cost.
Exercise is an easy example. Moving our bodies is good for us. But most of us would recognize a difference between someone going for a run because she enjoys running and someone feeling unable to take a rest day because she is terrified she’ll gain weight.
The run may be identical.
What’s driving it isn’t.
We can respond to risk without living inside it
One of the things health anxiety seems particularly good at doing is taking real information and extending it into a future that begins to feel increasingly certain.
Diabetes runs in my family is information.
I’ve gained weight is information.
But from there, the mind can quickly build a future:
I’m going to keep gaining weight, and if I don’t get control of this now, I’m going to develop diabetes.
Maybe that will happen. Maybe it won’t. We don’t know.
And perhaps that is part of what makes health anxiety so difficult. An uncertain future gives us very little to work with. But once we’ve imagined a particular future, suddenly there’s something to organize ourselves around.
We can start watching every food choice more carefully, checking another lab, eliminating another food, tightening another behavior.
The imagined problem gives us something to solve.
And some preparation is useful. We know quite a bit about what influences our health. We can monitor blood pressure, glucose, and cholesterol. We can eat nourishing foods, move our bodies, sleep, manage stress, go to our appointments, and take medications when they’re indicated.
We can respond to the information that’s actually available to us.
But preparation for an uncertain future doesn’t really have a natural stopping point.
There’s always another possibility. Another symptom we could Google. Another food we could optimize. Another number we could monitor.
The future hasn’t happened yet, so it can’t give us the information that would finally settle the question.
And meanwhile, our bodies can begin responding to a future that exists, for now, only in our imagination.
The fear is happening now.
The restriction is happening now.
The morning weigh-in is affecting breakfast now.
The workout we didn’t really want to do is happening now.
All in response to something that might happen later.
But what if I stop paying attention?
I’ve heard some version of this many times:
The last time I stopped weighing myself, I gained a bunch of weight.
It’s easy to understand why the conclusion becomes, See? I need the scale.
And maybe weighing regularly genuinely is useful for that person. But I don’t think the only choices are vigilant monitoring or abandoning our health altogether.
There is something between those two.
We can respond.
If our body changes, we can notice. If our clothes fit differently, that’s information. If we’re feeling different physically, that’s information. If our labs change, that’s information. If our eating or movement patterns have shifted in ways that don’t feel supportive, we can respond to that too.
We don’t have to predict every future change in order to respond when change actually happens.
I think we sometimes underestimate this because the mind likes to believe that its constant monitoring is what is holding everything together.
If I stop thinking about this, maybe I’ll miss something.
If I stop checking, maybe things will get away from me.
If I loosen my grip, maybe I won’t get it back.
But our lives don’t actually happen six months from now.
Our decisions happen here.
We eat this meal. We decide whether we want to move today. We notice we’re hungry. We make a doctor’s appointment. We get a lab result and decide what to do with it.
New information appears, and we respond.
I wouldn’t necessarily say that the body will always “course correct” on its own. Bodies are far more complicated than that.
But we have the capacity to course correct.
And we don’t lose that capacity simply because we’re not monitoring ourselves every moment.
Care and control can look remarkably similar
Eating vegetables can be an act of care, and eating vegetables can be driven by fear.
Exercise can feel like something we get to do, or something we can’t allow ourselves not to do.
A scale can be one piece of information, or it can become the authority that determines what we eat and how we feel about ourselves that day.
The behaviors themselves don’t always tell us much.
And I’m not sure the answer is to constantly analyze our motivations either. That could become its own form of monitoring.
Maybe it’s simply worth noticing when caring for our health begins to feel like a job of continually preventing something from going wrong.
Or perhaps another question is:
Am I responding to information that is actually here, or am I repeatedly responding to an imagined future because uncertainty feels too uncomfortable to leave alone?
Because ultimately, we can influence our health, but we cannot secure it.
That’s a hard sentence.
So much of modern wellness subtly promises otherwise. Track enough. Optimize enough. Eat correctly enough. Catch the problem early enough. Stay vigilant enough, and perhaps you can keep the frightening things from happening.
But taking excellent care of ourselves still doesn’t tell us exactly what will happen.
I don’t know exactly what my body will weigh five years from now. I don’t know what my next lab results will show. I don’t know which illnesses I will or won’t develop as I age.
None of us do.
And maybe caring for ourselves asks us to become a little more willing to live there, not in neglect, but in uncertainty.
There may be something that needs our attention today. If there is, we can respond to it.
And if there isn’t, perhaps we don’t have to invent tomorrow’s problem in order to take care of ourselves today.
We can let tomorrow bring information we don’t have yet.
And when it does, we can meet that too.
Menu for the Week of October 19-23rd
Monday: The Best Black Bean Burger | Tuesday: Cottage Cheese Egg Bites
Wednesday: Baked Salmon Sushi Bowls | Thursday: Easy Greek Style Eggplant
Friday: Baked Oatmeal Cups
Monday: The Best Black Bean Burger
Tuesday: Cottage Cheese Egg Bites
Wednesday: Baked Salmon Sushi Bowls
Thursday: Easy Greek Style Eggplant
Friday: Baked Oatmeal Cups
XO, Jen