For those of you who have been here for a while, you might remember that I merged two Substacks some time ago. One was Sober Sisters St. Louis, and the other was Here & Human Wellness.
There was quite a bit of interest in the conversations we were having around sober curiosity, and while alcohol is no longer something I write about regularly, I thought I’d share an occasional update on what that relationship looks like these days.
For anyone who might be new here, a little background.
About three and a half years ago, I stopped drinking alcohol.
At the time, I wasn’t concerned about dependence or addiction. There had certainly been periods earlier in my life when my relationship with alcohol was less healthy, but in the years leading up to my decision to stop, I was mostly just tired of how drinking made me feel: physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Perimenopause can take enough out of you as it is, and I wasn’t particularly interested in adding anything that made life harder.
Even relatively small amounts of alcohol seemed to come with consequences - a crappy night’s sleep, brain fog the next day, or just feeling a little off. And increasingly, those consequences didn’t seem worth whatever enjoyment I was getting from drinking.
And at that point in my life, the decision that felt right was to stop altogether.
So I did, and for more than three and a half years, I didn’t have a drink.
I loved so much about that decision. I loved the clarity, the consistency, and the mental freedom of not having to think about whether or how much to have on any given weekend.
Alcohol gradually became something I just didn’t think much about.
But toward the end of those three and a half years, I started to wonder: Am I still choosing not to drink because that’s what feels right for me, or am I now just trying to keep a streak going?
And if at some point I genuinely wanted to have a drink, would that be a problem?
This curiosity wasn’t coming from a place of deprivation. I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything, and I certainly wasn’t interested in returning to drinking regularly.
I was simply curious whether something that had started as a choice was quietly becoming a rule.
I wondered whether there might be occasions when I would enjoy an alcoholic beverage, like a date night with my husband, a vacation day on the beach, or a special evening with a friend. And at the same time, I wanted to leave it open, without needing to define what those occasions would be.
Before I go any further, I want to acknowledge something important.
For many people, not drinking at all is absolutely the right decision. Whether because of a history of alcohol dependence, physical or mental health concerns, or simply because life is better without it.
Nothing about my experience suggests that someone who has stopped drinking should experiment with drinking again.
And there is no particular virtue in being able to drink occasionally. Abstinence doesn’t need to be reconsidered, tested, or outgrown.
This is simply a story about my own relationship with alcohol and how it continues to evolve.
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