Before I begin, I want to acknowledge something. I write this as a white, able-bodied woman whose body still falls within our culture’s narrow standards of “acceptable.” I know that gives me certain kinds of privilege in how I move through the world, and in how people may hear or see these words.
I don’t name that to center guilt or to “disclaim” my experience, but because conversations about body image land differently depending on the bodies we live in. I also know that every person, in every kind of body, deserves ease, belonging, and respect.
So while my personal story may look one way, my hope is that what follows speaks to something universal: how we can all relate differently to bodies that change.
The Shift Beneath the Surface
All bodies change. My body is not the same as it was five years ago. More meaningfully, my relationship to my body is changing.
What’s fallen away over time isn’t just firmness in my skin or muscle tone, it’s the tight hold I once had on needing to look a certain way.
I don’t think of that as “letting go.” It’s more like a gradual falling away. Aging can be awesome in some ways, because with time, clarity and freedom seem to arrive on their own. Wisdom settles in quietly, and lately I’ve noticed that I often look back thinking… hmm, that doesn’t seem to bother me as much anymore. It becomes easier to see what matters…and what doesn’t.
We are all on our own journey, and come to see what we come to see. My hope is that posts like this might plant seeds of seeing something in a slightly different shade, especially if you’re seeking freedom from the feeling of being stuck in body image struggles.
Seeing Change as Protection, Not Betrayal
I’ve started to see the changes from aging in our bodies not as a betrayal, but as a kind of protection. Our bodies, in their innate intelligence, are always working for us, not against us. The body is never retaliating or rebelling; every cell is doing its best to help us thrive and stay alive.
And yet, we’ve been conditioned to meet these natural transitions with a critical eye. To see them as flaws or things to fix.
Whose Voice Is That?
When we say things like, “I hate this tire around my middle,” or “My arm wiggle grosses me out,” it’s not just self-criticism, it’s disconnection.
But those thoughts, those reactive judgments, aren’t even really ours. They were planted. Maybe it started when we were kids and learned that being smaller or prettier brought praise. Maybe it’s the constant hum of social media telling us to fix, tighten, smooth, or shrink.
These messages live in us so deeply that we mistake them for us.
If we can see that the noise in our head isn’t our, it can be easier to be on our side. We see that the voice of body shame is not us; it’s what we’ve absorbed. And that simple awareness, even without changing anything, creates space.
Creating Space for What Is
What helps me in those moments of discomfort, when my jeans won’t zip, or I catch my reflection and feel a flicker of critique, is to simply be with that. To not fix the feeling, but be beside it.
What does that actually look like? I might notice the sensations of what’s going on in my body: tightness in the chest, a flush of heat, a lump in the throat.
One of my favorite phrases is: Welcome to come, welcome to stay, welcome to go.
Feelings are like that! They move through when there is space to do so.
The suffering deepens, however, when we layer on thought and stories:
“I need a new diet.”
“I should exercise more.”
“I shouldn’t have eaten that.”
It’s completely natural for thoughts to rush in. We can’t stop them. But we can see them as thoughts. And as I’ve said in previous posts, see what happens if you don’t take them seriously:
“Oh yeah, that’s just what brains do.”
Seeing thoughts as thoughts is powerful. It interrupts the loop of self-blame and opens the door to compassion.
Compassion as Wise Action
Compassion doesn’t mean inaction. It doesn’t mean resignation or giving up on our health. It’s the soil from which wise action grows. Taking action from this space compared to the reactive, critical space is likely to be more aligned with what you really need.
We also might need to clean up our environment to better support ourselves. For some, that means less time on social media, and more time in spaces that make you feel alive. Maybe it’s choosing movement that feels joyful rather than punishing. Maybe it’s surrounding yourself with voices that affirm your worth rather than feed insecurity.
It might even mean updating your wardrobe to match the body you have now, not as an act of surrender, but as an act of love. Wearing clothes that let you move with ease is not giving up; it’s honoring who you are today.
Freedom Doesn’t Belong to a Body Type
If you’re watching friends make different choices, whether that’s medication, weight loss program, or things that don’t feel right for you, it’s so natural to feel conflicted. But freedom doesn’t belong to a particular body size or shape. Freedom is what you already ARE.
The Quiet Gift of This Season
Our bodies have changed since the day of our birth and will continue to change until the end. The menopause transition shines a brighter light on these. And while it can feel unsettling, it can also be an invitation: to listen closely, to respect the wisdom of the body, and to release the belief that worth lives in the mirror.
When I slow down enough to notice my body, to feel my heartbeat, my breath, the aliveness and awareness beneath it all, I know how much is right. How much is working for me.
Maybe that’s the quiet gift of this season: less striving to become who we once were, and more softening into our beautiful, wise beings.
Menu for October 20-24th
Monday
7-Ingredient Lentil Soup: A comfort soup that comes together with just a handful of pantry staples.
Tuesday
Honey Garlic Chicken Bites: Crispy, flavorful chicken coated in a sweet and savory honey garlic glaze. Serve it over rice and veggies!
Wednesday
Vibrant Curry Cashew Chickpea Quinoa Salad: This is the perfect make-ahead meal that tastes even better the next day for your lunch!
Thursday
Overnight Pumpkin Pie Oats: Our October pumpkin recipe upgrading the grab and go energy bar!
Friday
Avocado Coconut Banana Bread: A naturally sweetened banana bread with heart-healthy avocado and tropical coconut.
Hoping at least one of these recipes makes you and/your family happy. XO - Jen
Welcome to come, welcome to stay, welcome to go. <— This is so beautiful, Jen. And everything you wrote here resonates deeply. Thank you for articulating it so perfectly.