My client and I were talking about her experience with binge eating. As we dug in, she mentioned that when it all comes down to it, she just really hates the feeling of boredom.
I think I am simply bored. So I eat, and eating feels good. And clearly, it’s also become a habit.
But then she described what comes next.
The guilt. Feeling overly full. Uncomfortable. Frustrated with herself.
This pattern has been going on for years, which creates another layer of frustration: I know this doesn’t help me. So why do I keep doing it?
Of course, we could insert all kinds of behaviors into this equation.
We’re bored, so we pick up our phone.
We’re anxious, so we open social media.
We’re annoyed, so we start mentally solving the thing that doesn’t actually need to be solved right now.
And sometimes we even catch ourselves doing it, followed quickly by the thought: Why did I just do that? I know better!
But knowing better and behaving differently are not the same thing.
Sometimes we already know enough.
We know what we’re “supposed” to do.
We know the behavior isn’t giving us what we ultimately want.
And yet, there we are again.
So with this particular client, we talked about trying something different.
Instead of approaching the behavior from the knowledge level: the strategy level, the 10 Ways to Stop a Craving or Binge level - what if she simply became curious about what was actually happening?
Almost as if she’d never experienced it before.
My coach used to tell me:
